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Post by Jay on Apr 10, 2008 13:29:52 GMT -5
RolePlay Limits[/u] Max Number of RolePlays: 3 Max Length of each RolePlay: 3k(3,000) Words[/size] RPs Must be 4 Hrs Apart on DL Day MUST HAVE ONE ROLEPLAY UP BEFORE DL DAY IF YOU WANT TO DO MORE THEN ONE 
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Post by Sean "Slug" Lewis on Apr 15, 2008 18:19:31 GMT -5
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Post by cburgess on Apr 23, 2008 9:15:43 GMT -5
The scene opens at St. Alfred's hospital for the decrepid and unattractive. It is a glorious day outside; the sun is shining, the sky is blue, birds are singing and there are fitties EVERYWHERE doing some topless tanning.
Sadly...these pleasures are not to be enjoyed by two men. Two men who we formerly on top of the world. Two men who were once at the top of their industry. Two men who pleased thousands of fans week in week out with their money-spinning antics. Two men who now earn their income at St. Alfreds in the most dispicible way possible....cleaning old ladies' minges...
These men...of course...are former wWw and UKW multi-champion fit bird shagging chiefs...Dylan Styles and Chris Burgess...
Dylan Styles: I don't think I can take another old ladies minge mate. I could have sworn the last one has growth coming from it!
Chris Burgess: Was it brown and flakey?
Dylan Styles: Nah. But it did resemble a Kit Kat. The four finger ones, not those two finger ones.
Chris Burgess: Hmm I reckon that's Vera. It's not a growth dude don't worry, it's just a cigar. She can't smoke out of her mouth anymore due to her laryngitis...
Dylan Styles: My uncle had laryngitis once. Well, he said it was laryngitis but we all knew it was because he used to take our PE teacher around the back of the sheds and slurp his pan handle.
Chris: (pauses) .....yeah....okay. I know what you mean mate, I can't stand this job much more. I'm having to wear protective goggles these days because of Squirting Sally - I'd be better off with a welder's kit with that dodgy vaj..
Dylan Styles: (shudders) Squirting Sally... She should be sterilised, and I'm not even kidding. (sighs) What's happened to us eh? This time last year we were rocking out arenas all over the country. These days, the only thing we're rocking out is a crusty minge and the sight of Nurse Doris' thong everytime she deliberately drops a pen and picks it up.
Chris: Ugh...God...I know. Why does she have to grind up when she does it too?..ugh...I used to be someone, I used to own one of the most successful companies in British wrestling. Now look at me; the highlight of my day is Fit Francine - well, she's not fit, but at 72 and with her own hips she's the best of a bad bunch in this place...
Chris stares into the distance, sighing dreamily.
Dylan Styles: She's a dirty sort that Francine. Everytime I spend a day with her I need to go home I need to take a shower. Anyway, nevermind. Fortunately for you, you're going to be back on the map. Haven't you got a match with Slug?
Chris: Yeah, hoping to get a bit of cash from it really. I might nip into the money in the bank match as well if there’s actually money in that briefcase…
Nurse Doris walks in.
Doris: Lunch break lads, you've got 1 hour. Be back quickly though - Sally's been at it like a fountain all morning! At least I don't have to shower for 4 or 5 days though...
She turns to go, leaving the boys looking paler than ever, but not before 'accidentally' dropping her pen.
Doris: Whoopsadaisy! Let me just bend over to pick that up...
Doris bends over to get the pen and, whilst bent over, does a sort of...shuffling moonwalk...until she is right infront of Styles, grinding up against him. She stands upright, dusts herself off, winks at Burgess and squeezes his nipple, and struts off, pleased with herself.
Chris: ....I need to get out of this place la...
Dylan Styles: (shudders) You're telling me. But after taking a dump in Jay's desk drawer, nobody wants to know. Seriously, who can take a joke these days?
Chris: (smiles wryly) Shocking mate...shocking...
Commercial…
Does your willy hurt? Does your piss feel like hailstones?
Do you find it hard to aim after ejaculating?
Or maybe, like me, you just can’t be arsed turning the bathroom light on and end up pissing all over the floor because you can’t see the toilet…
WELL YOU’RE IN LUCK!!
Because now you can be the OFFICIAL “Chris Burgess Tinkle Tube” – just put your willy into the 50cm tube and plonk the other end into the toilet bowl and fire away!! You can’t miss!!
It even comes with classic Chris Burgess quotes stamped all over it so that you’ve got something to read while you pee –
“Have you got the Urge for Burge??”
…I SURE HAVE!!!!
Get to your local store now and ask them for the OFFICIAL “Chris Burgess Tinkle Tube”!! If the shopkeeper doesn’t have it – then you can tell him to PISS OFF!!!
Disclaimer – for small-to-average sized men only, not to be used rectally or orally, pube comb sold separately, all rights reserved.
BACK TO RP…
Burgess is now alone, in what seems to be a broom cupboard. He’s cramped up, sitting on an upturned bucket, his supposedly all-white hospital uniform splattered with stains and shiny with fanny grease. He rolls a cigarette and looks into the portable camera he has set up opposite him.
Chris: So, Sean Lewis, we meet again…
He pauses to lick it and stick it, taking his time to find his Powerpuff Girls lighter. He sparks up and takes a deep drag.
Chris: I enjoy our battles Sean…I really do. I’ve feel a connection with you ever since the days I was dubbed the ‘Sean Lewis of UKW’ and you were dubbed the ‘Chris Burgess of EWE’.
He smokes again, idly watching the smoke rise.
Chris: Now Sean it’s no secret that I wasn’t your first choice opponent for ‘Mania. Everybody knows you were down to face Law, but when he pulls out with a sore pinky, or thrush, or whatever the fuck injury he came up with this time, and Jay phoned me up asking me to take his place I was eager to jump into his slot.
Another drag is exhaled as Chris talks…
Chris: Truth is, I spoke to Jay about appearing at ‘Mania even before Law got injured. I wanted a match. Fuck it, I just wanted the money. I’m sick of this job. I’m sick of the bed pans, the used tampons, the thankless pussy-scrapings and the blistered fingers. I’m sick of my one-bed apartment. I’m sick of my broken TV and faulty shower. I’m sick of not having the money to be able to fix these things…but still…I don’t have the energy or enthusiasm to get back into the only thing I’ve ever been good at on a full time basis.
Chris pauses to pull up his shirt sleeve. His forearms are dotted with black sores. There is a sadness in his voice as he talks.
Chris: I had it all Sean. I had power, fame, money, women, the big house, the fancy cars, the devoted entourage and an even more devoted fan base. What have I become? I pissed it all away, Sean. I swapped my high society for…well…I suppose a different kind of ‘high society’…
Chris grins sardonically at his own pun as he leans forward to pull up his trouser legs, revealing more black marks on his legs.
Chris: I’m down to my last bag of heroin Sean.
Burgess takes another drag thoughtfully.
Chris: My match with you will keep my addiction going. My match with you pays for more smack: the only thing that keeps me going, the only reason I get out of bed every day. When I was on top of the world drugs were only a phonecall away. Now that I’m less than a nobody I have to scrimp and save, I have to bypass luxuries like water bills, gas bills, food and clothes so that I can pump more shit into my veins.
Burgess points to his forearms, careful not to burn himself with his lit roll up.
Chris: These are my scars Sean. These scars are the reason I’m joining you at ‘Mania in the ring. I could have picked any old jobber on the EWE roster for a guaranteed win, but I told Jay to wait for somebody high profile to drop out – I wanted to replace somebody for a nice juicy paycheck, I’d rather have you humiliate me at the top end of the card for 30k than pick up 5k for an easy win over Jimmy Jobber.
Burgess rolls his trouser legs and sleeve back down hiding his marks.
Chris: My days as a wrestling legend are long gone; I can’t stand the thought of getting back into the business full time. I can’t explain it. It’s just not for me. But when it comes to getting a quick and easy paycheck I can’t go anywhere else.
Burgess finishes his last drags and stubs the cig out on the floor.
Chris: You’ll remember me as a confident, arrogant, world reknowned and talented superstar Sean. Our previous battles have generally seen you get the better of me. But this time Sean, although I’m out of shape, although I don’t give a fuck about the fans enjoying themselves, although I haven’t wrestled in over a year…I’m more of a threat than you’ll know…because this time Sean I have nothing to lose. I’m guaranteed 30k for appearing and a further 3.5k bonus for winning the match…now that can buy me a lot of tar…
For the first time in the diatribe, Chris smiles genuinely. A cynical, disturbing, baleful Cheshire cat grin.
Chris: I look forward to our match Sean…I really can’t tell you how quickly I want ‘Mania to come…I REALLY can’t tell you…
Chris doesn’t take his tired, bloodshot, pityful eyes off the camera as he takes a rubber strip out of his pocket, and pulls a spoon and some foil out of the other. Still staring at the camera, he leans forward and turns it off as the scene disappears into blackness.
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Post by Sean "Slug" Lewis on Apr 27, 2008 23:23:36 GMT -5
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