Alexis Romanov
A Memoirs In Progress: A Brief History Part III was the family outcast.
It is amazing that a family that was ostracized from the largest country in the world would do the same thing to a member of that family. Growing up with all the royal treatment I received you would think I would be well versed in the ways of being a public spectacle in Russia.
I never learned it. My Mother and father reveled in the attention they would receive when asked to be the centerpiece in a parade, or asked to help open a new market. But the fact that I was a display piece, something to be viewed at, like an animal in a zoo, was nothing I enjoyed.
When my Dad was named tsar of the Russian Royalist Society, I decided that was enough for me and my made my home instead in the United States.
Thankfully this backwards country had enough time wasted on fake heiresses like Paris Hilton to focus on a real one. I learned the language, went to school, made friends and even took up a hobby.
My strangest joy in my younger years was professional wrestling. In the post-Soviet years, when we began to get the broadcasts of the WWF in Moscow, I would spend hours in front of the TV watching Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, Diesel and the Undertaker. I even watched the women like Alundra Blayze. I wanted to be just like her some day.
So, with my families riches, I found a school and trained to become a wrestler. I toiled on the Independent circuit for years. The Japanese invited me over numerous times, I was a huge star there, touring the TV talk shows, and making posters all over the country.
Because I was the best wrestler? No.
They found it amazing, I was the descendent of Saint Nicolas the Passion bearer. I was the great-great niece of the last Tsar, a cousin to Anastasia.
I was a novelty.
That is the greatest shame, to have you name overshadow your abilities. Thankfully in America people are a bit more ignorant. Nobody knows much about who I am, besides those who go out of their way to learn. In this ignorant country, very few people do that, so I am anonymous.
Thank god Americans are dumb.
“So, you’re actually wrestling this Sunday on pay-per-view?” my friend, Valerie, asked me as we sat outside at the small tables at this little coffee shop.
“Yes,” I said, taking a sip from the Styrofoam cup that was filled with steaming hot coffee. “A five-way first blood match.”
“Sounds fun,” she rolled her eyes. My friends were never understanding about wrestling.
“I won’t be bleeding,” I informed her.
“Aren’t you facing four GUYS?” she asked, incredulously.
“And?”
“They’re bigger than you, stronger than you and could easily cut you open,” She tapped a finger as she lifted off all of these facts.
“Maybe to you. They are just people. People can be crushed,” I said, clenching my fist.
“How Khrushchev of you,” She laughed.
I rolled my eyes and stood up.
“This has been fun,” I turned towards the garbage. “Let’s do it again sometime.”
”It is true that liberty is precious - so precious that it must be rationed.” – Vladimir Lenin
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“Four men think they can stand to me. I am the underdog because I am unknown. But, if these fools knew what I was capable of, they wouldn’t underestimate me like they do,” Alexis Romanov said, pacing the living room in her apartment, as though she were talking to another person.
“They don’t get it. One of these men is so dumb, he speaks of beating you “five” when, there are only four other people in the match excluding them. Because I am new I am forced to lower myself to wallow in the slop that is lower-card obscurity. But after this match, everybody will know my name, everybody will fear Alexis Romanov.”
She smiled and cracked her knuckles.
“If only they knew the power I wield. The mental strength I hold. I have the greatest education money can buy, I am the royal blood flowing through my veins. I am indeed the greatest mind to ever grace a wrestling ring. Those who oppose me shall fall in my wake.
“You four fools will be the first to die at my hands. To bleed in my presence. Bleed, at my hands. Your life force will drain from you onto the mat, at my whim. I’m sure your fragile male ego will blame it on my long nails, and I do hope you tell yourselves that.”
Alexis giggled.
“I do love to beat the male chauvinism out of a guy, especially the fools you find in this contest. I find myself as nothing more than the only genius at a moron convention.”
Alexis shakes her head, flipping her hair back, so it fell out of her eyes.
“Chris Steel. The “King of Porn.” A man who has made his career out of objectifying women. I say “career” but it is more like Jobbership. That is all you are, Steel. An opening match curtain jerker. What have you done that was worth merit in this company? I think you set the bar for sexual harassment charges though. Hey look, there’s a title you won’t lose in a week!
“Steel, you make me sick. And if you grab me inappropriately ONCE in this match, I will rip off your entire hand and make you fist yourself. Got it?”
Alexis said, staring into the camera, as though Chris Steel were on the other side of the lens.
“Brett Unknown. You know what’s funny about your name? The only thing “Unknown” is if you’ll actually show up or not. Time and time again I have watched you cling to your job, barely. You’re lucky to even be employed in this company, let alone wrestling on a pay-per-view. And you’re girl-pants wearing emo ass will be easy to cut, your wrist is probably covered in razor marks already.
“And just think of the crappy poetry you can write about being busted open by me. I’ll write one FOR you, Bretty:
“Oh boy, my life sure isn’t a gas
Because Alexis Romanov just kicked my ass!”
“Write it down, it could make you rich,” Alexis smirks.
“Kris Jaxon, the man who’s held the most prestigious title of anyone in this match. And yet what has become of you, Kris? You’re nothing more than a punch line. Kris, you have fallen so far down the ladder you are in the same spot as me, and this is just my second match ever.
“How pathetic you’ve become Kris. Oh well, just some new loser for me to sweep under the rug, to be forgotten like the others in this match of morons against me, the in-ring genius.”
Alexis laughs.
“And last and certainly least, Nightstalker. Or should I say, Nightstalker and the Supreme’s. You seem to enjoy breaking out into song. Well, while you may be more suited to musical theater, I advise you to find some other method. But I don’t think you should go into accounting, I highly doubt you’re smart enough, since you can’t even count the number of opponents you have! Idiot.
“Now you can taste all of the blood you want, but the fact remains, all the blood spilled will be done by my hand. I will be the one putting all of you idiots in your places. And Nighty, I will enjoy putting you down the most. Because you are the biggest fool of them all!”
Alexis giggled.
“Four idiots and one Queen. That’s good, I wanted an easy night.”
: Hey Daddy-o