Post by Danny Danger on Nov 25, 2007 12:35:36 GMT -5
*I Walked With A Zombie*
The scene opens with the abrupt sound of a person throwing up, and the person is Eric Michaels. With his head over the rim of his toilet seat, and his hair in a pony tail, he throws up one more time before rolling over on to the floor of the bathroom. After a moment of lying there, he picks himself up, lets his hair down, and just blankly stares at himself in the mirror in front of him.
Eric Michaels: This doesn't make shit all of sense... Doc said I was fine, yet 14 hours after he tells me that, I'm throwing up. A man who can't tell the difference between sick and healthy should not be doing that profession, plain and simple.
He stops, as he reaches for his shirt and coat. He puts them on, slips into his boots, and walks out of the bathroom. Turns out that he's actually backstage in the EWE locker-room, and he doesn't get far before he is stopped by EWE interviewer Matt Peterson. Eric sighs as Matt begins to speak..
Matt Peterson: Hey there Eric, do ya mind if I catch a word with you for the EWE fans watching online?
Eric Michaels: Yeah, sure, why not. Shoot.
Matt Peterson: Alright, first and foremost, are you going to be able to compete this Sunday at Final Cut? You seem a bit sick, Eric.
Eric Michaels: I ain't gonna lie to ya, Matt. I've definitely felt better, but that's what I'm all about. I don't care if the doctors don't want me wrestling, cause bottom line, I will be no matter what they say, because thats how much this title means to me. Besides, if I quit now, what message would I be sending out? Would people still think I embody "Through Struggle"? Hell no, and speaking of that, what's up Brutality's ass?
Matt Peterson: I don't know, Eric, perhaps a Cannibal Corpse CD..
Eric laughs and puts his arm around the neck of Matt Peterson..
Eric Michaels: Haha, you're alright, Matt. But seriously, he says that I am not taking enough time to think about the match itself, yet he spends basically ALL his air time on me talking about the terms pic base and char. Yes, we get it, you don't break kayfabe for a nude of Angelina Jolie, can you make that any more fucking clear? And of course, when he isn't going on about how he's oblivious when it comes to e-fed terms, he's either talking about my sexual preference, or how I cut myself, as is EVERYONE ELSE I face. Very original. I mean, look, *pulls up sleeves*, do you SEE any fucking razor cuts?! No, and why? Because I think the idea of self mutilation is stupid, as well as when you say that because you always act like that makes it any less of a gimmick. IF me walking around, at all times mind you, in this little "getup" as you'd call it makes me a gimmick wrestler, then by God you are too. Realize that I always act like this, whether I'm in the ring or at the mall, so if what you do isn't a gimmick, then frankly, neither is mine. But if it's focus on the match you want, it's focus on the match you'll get. I'll start off by saying that, sure, I ain't the most consistent of all, I've been known to change my name every so often, but hey when it comes to consistency you ain't a saint either, Brut. I mean, how many times have you quit, vowed against EWE, and then came back in one form or another? Better yet, how many times have you just plain no showed? How many times have you bitched because there was a word limit you couldn't agree with? How many times have you, more or less, just been a pain in the fucking ass? The answer; countless. Sure I may not agree with the 3K limit, but I don't drop out because of it. Sure, I may have a lot to do one week, but I still do all I can to show. And it's these reasons why in the end I will be shining, it's these reasons why the management knows that, unlike you, I am not going to drop out. I mean, let's say you DID win this Battle Royal, how long will it be before you run off crying again? A week, two weeks? Please, you're a lost cause, my friend.
Matt Peterson: Well, how about returning icon Nero Phoenix?
Eric Michaels: What about him? I don't really have a problem with the guy, but if he thinks he's got a bat's chance in hell of winning this thing, he better think again. See, there's a difference between good, entertaining, and amazing. Nero isn't particularly good, or Godlike, but one thing's for sure, he's quite entertaining... but see, that will only get you so far in Extreme Wrestling Entertainment. As funny as his quick little snappy puns are, they don't mean shit when you're standing in the ring opposite a mad man who has nothing to lose. I mean, out of all the wrestlers in this battle royal, from Brutality to Sanderson, who did you pick you talk about? The worst one; hell, the worst one in EWE period, in that of Eli Hogan. Granted, you got to make a pun or two about him and his pops, but other than making a few laughs, what did you accomplish with that shit? Did some of Eli's retard rub off on you or something, because that's just re-goddamn-diculous. But hell, I should have expected it, huh? Ever since you jobbed to Johnny Chaos one year ago, you've just done shitty joke after shitty joke, and then used one or two sentences at the end of your roleplay to say "Oh, and btw, I plan on winning kthxbhai." - And one reoccurring thing I hear from you is "you won't stop me from getting back on track." That's just it, Nero, you haven't fucking BEEN on track in ages. Every promo, every week says the same basic thing. "With this match," you'll say, "I will restart my reign of dominance." - Well, Nero, it's been fucking forever, and still no reign, and quite frankly, I think that this reign you pray for will never come, and why is that? Because while you sit on your couch, drinking your hot chocolate, I'm in the gym working on my technique. While you're thinking of the next joke you can say about someone's mom and pops, I'm watching old school Ric Flair wrestling tapes. Don't know what I mean? Take this Sunday for example. While you're on your ass, I'll be WINNING that match. Bank on it, you washed up piece of shit, because I after I more or less KILL you in that match, you'll need your winnings to pay for your hospital bill, Mr. Phoenix.
Eric thinks to himself for a minute or two..
Matt Peterson: Umm... Eric?
Eric Michaels: Shh, I feel like I'm forgetting someone... don't tell me... it's on the tip of my tongue...
Matt Peterson: Uh, Derrrrrrr..... Iiiiiiiick..... Saaaaand....
Eric Michaels: ...erson! Derrick Sanderson, that's who.
Matt Peterson: Yeah, Sandman had a lot to say about you, Eric.
Eric Michaels: Oh, really? Did he call me gay?
Matt Peterson: Quite the contrary, he said something about shoving something up your ass..
Eric Michaels: Wow, kinky, but I'll have to pass. What else did he say?
Matt Peterson: Here, I'll just whip out my new iPod Nano that's available at any local Radio Shack, and we'll watch it on the 8 hours of video space that I can store on this low-priced wonder!
Eric Michaels: Subliminal advertising FTW!
Matt winks into the camera and gives a thumbs up before starting to fuck with the iPod thing. He gets the promo, or the part about Eric anyway, and plays it for Eric. After it's done, Eric can't help but laugh.
Eric Michaels: Aha, oh dear Derrick, are you inbred or something, cause that's just insane. The amount of grammar mistakes in your promos is ungodly, and quite possibly deserving of a "needs to go back to 3rd grade" award. Honestly, what the fuck does "anpther" mean? Scroll down, you see the "Post Reply" button? OK, you see the "Preview" button next to it? Alrighty, now go over one more and USE A FUCKING SPELL CHECK! Goddamn, for someone who thinks everyone else is so stupid, you know shit all about making your little cameos even the slightest bit presentable. I might as well look up a BZ roleplay.. or God forbid, a K~Dawg roleplay. *laughs*... Seriously, your roleplays are so similar, and dumb, I'm having trouble even shooting on you. It's like I'm facing that dumb bitch from Mania again. -- I won't say I've been doing fabulously, Derrick, because I haven't. But neither have you, because if you were, you would have been booked. Neither of us are at the top of Xplosion yet, and if I have my way, YOU never will be. If it were me in the "bosses" shoes, I wouldn't even ALLOW you in here, because as funny as "fuck" is, there is a time when someone has said it to the point it's COMPLETELY old. I mean, I could stand here going "Fuck the fucking fuckers, cause I'm Eric and I'm the baddest you would met so like pwnt motherfuckers", but after, oh I don't know, a split second of that, I never want to see another F-bomb again. You're boring, repetitive, and starting Sunday, you will be on Download. Why? Because management wants someone who can restore the prestige in the Pure title, Derrick, not someone who will only further it's reputation as a jobber's belt. Hell, I'd be surprised if you can stop nailing your sis long enough to jell up your preppy little wannabe-hawk, let alone take the time to get ready for this match. Derrick, I've hated you since I first laid eyes on you, which is why I REFUSED to lose when we first fought off, and I REFUSE to lose this time. Get ready to have this faggy, lame emo kid beat the SHIT out of you, and enjoy every single, bloody moment of it.
Matt Peterson: Well, Eric, thanks for taking the time to speak with us, and good luck in your match tomorrow at Final Cut.
Eric Michaels: The pleasure was all mine. Take care.
Eric walks away, and the camera follows. Only seconds pass by before his phone goes off, and as he answers it, it's pretty apparent what the other line is saying, being how he puts it on speaker phone..
Eric Michaels: Hello? Dr. Mathews?
Dr. Mathews: High, Eric. Look, you simply can't wrestle, I think you have the Solanum Virus.
Eric Michaels: The what what?
Dr. Mathews: No time to explain, but I need you flown down here ASAP for testing.
Eric laughs..
Eric Michaels: Ahaha, oo chance in hell, Doc. Got the biggest match of my life tomorrow, and I need to train for it like there's no f'n tomorrow.
Dr. Mathews: Eric, wait!--
Eric hangs up, and walks down the hall, this time the cameras don't follow as the scene fades out.
*END*
[/b][/center]The scene opens with the abrupt sound of a person throwing up, and the person is Eric Michaels. With his head over the rim of his toilet seat, and his hair in a pony tail, he throws up one more time before rolling over on to the floor of the bathroom. After a moment of lying there, he picks himself up, lets his hair down, and just blankly stares at himself in the mirror in front of him.
Eric Michaels: This doesn't make shit all of sense... Doc said I was fine, yet 14 hours after he tells me that, I'm throwing up. A man who can't tell the difference between sick and healthy should not be doing that profession, plain and simple.
He stops, as he reaches for his shirt and coat. He puts them on, slips into his boots, and walks out of the bathroom. Turns out that he's actually backstage in the EWE locker-room, and he doesn't get far before he is stopped by EWE interviewer Matt Peterson. Eric sighs as Matt begins to speak..
Matt Peterson: Hey there Eric, do ya mind if I catch a word with you for the EWE fans watching online?
Eric Michaels: Yeah, sure, why not. Shoot.
Matt Peterson: Alright, first and foremost, are you going to be able to compete this Sunday at Final Cut? You seem a bit sick, Eric.
Eric Michaels: I ain't gonna lie to ya, Matt. I've definitely felt better, but that's what I'm all about. I don't care if the doctors don't want me wrestling, cause bottom line, I will be no matter what they say, because thats how much this title means to me. Besides, if I quit now, what message would I be sending out? Would people still think I embody "Through Struggle"? Hell no, and speaking of that, what's up Brutality's ass?
Matt Peterson: I don't know, Eric, perhaps a Cannibal Corpse CD..
Eric laughs and puts his arm around the neck of Matt Peterson..
Eric Michaels: Haha, you're alright, Matt. But seriously, he says that I am not taking enough time to think about the match itself, yet he spends basically ALL his air time on me talking about the terms pic base and char. Yes, we get it, you don't break kayfabe for a nude of Angelina Jolie, can you make that any more fucking clear? And of course, when he isn't going on about how he's oblivious when it comes to e-fed terms, he's either talking about my sexual preference, or how I cut myself, as is EVERYONE ELSE I face. Very original. I mean, look, *pulls up sleeves*, do you SEE any fucking razor cuts?! No, and why? Because I think the idea of self mutilation is stupid, as well as when you say that because you always act like that makes it any less of a gimmick. IF me walking around, at all times mind you, in this little "getup" as you'd call it makes me a gimmick wrestler, then by God you are too. Realize that I always act like this, whether I'm in the ring or at the mall, so if what you do isn't a gimmick, then frankly, neither is mine. But if it's focus on the match you want, it's focus on the match you'll get. I'll start off by saying that, sure, I ain't the most consistent of all, I've been known to change my name every so often, but hey when it comes to consistency you ain't a saint either, Brut. I mean, how many times have you quit, vowed against EWE, and then came back in one form or another? Better yet, how many times have you just plain no showed? How many times have you bitched because there was a word limit you couldn't agree with? How many times have you, more or less, just been a pain in the fucking ass? The answer; countless. Sure I may not agree with the 3K limit, but I don't drop out because of it. Sure, I may have a lot to do one week, but I still do all I can to show. And it's these reasons why in the end I will be shining, it's these reasons why the management knows that, unlike you, I am not going to drop out. I mean, let's say you DID win this Battle Royal, how long will it be before you run off crying again? A week, two weeks? Please, you're a lost cause, my friend.
Matt Peterson: Well, how about returning icon Nero Phoenix?
Eric Michaels: What about him? I don't really have a problem with the guy, but if he thinks he's got a bat's chance in hell of winning this thing, he better think again. See, there's a difference between good, entertaining, and amazing. Nero isn't particularly good, or Godlike, but one thing's for sure, he's quite entertaining... but see, that will only get you so far in Extreme Wrestling Entertainment. As funny as his quick little snappy puns are, they don't mean shit when you're standing in the ring opposite a mad man who has nothing to lose. I mean, out of all the wrestlers in this battle royal, from Brutality to Sanderson, who did you pick you talk about? The worst one; hell, the worst one in EWE period, in that of Eli Hogan. Granted, you got to make a pun or two about him and his pops, but other than making a few laughs, what did you accomplish with that shit? Did some of Eli's retard rub off on you or something, because that's just re-goddamn-diculous. But hell, I should have expected it, huh? Ever since you jobbed to Johnny Chaos one year ago, you've just done shitty joke after shitty joke, and then used one or two sentences at the end of your roleplay to say "Oh, and btw, I plan on winning kthxbhai." - And one reoccurring thing I hear from you is "you won't stop me from getting back on track." That's just it, Nero, you haven't fucking BEEN on track in ages. Every promo, every week says the same basic thing. "With this match," you'll say, "I will restart my reign of dominance." - Well, Nero, it's been fucking forever, and still no reign, and quite frankly, I think that this reign you pray for will never come, and why is that? Because while you sit on your couch, drinking your hot chocolate, I'm in the gym working on my technique. While you're thinking of the next joke you can say about someone's mom and pops, I'm watching old school Ric Flair wrestling tapes. Don't know what I mean? Take this Sunday for example. While you're on your ass, I'll be WINNING that match. Bank on it, you washed up piece of shit, because I after I more or less KILL you in that match, you'll need your winnings to pay for your hospital bill, Mr. Phoenix.
Eric thinks to himself for a minute or two..
Matt Peterson: Umm... Eric?
Eric Michaels: Shh, I feel like I'm forgetting someone... don't tell me... it's on the tip of my tongue...
Matt Peterson: Uh, Derrrrrrr..... Iiiiiiiick..... Saaaaand....
Eric Michaels: ...erson! Derrick Sanderson, that's who.
Matt Peterson: Yeah, Sandman had a lot to say about you, Eric.
Eric Michaels: Oh, really? Did he call me gay?
Matt Peterson: Quite the contrary, he said something about shoving something up your ass..
Eric Michaels: Wow, kinky, but I'll have to pass. What else did he say?
Matt Peterson: Here, I'll just whip out my new iPod Nano that's available at any local Radio Shack, and we'll watch it on the 8 hours of video space that I can store on this low-priced wonder!
Eric Michaels: Subliminal advertising FTW!
Matt winks into the camera and gives a thumbs up before starting to fuck with the iPod thing. He gets the promo, or the part about Eric anyway, and plays it for Eric. After it's done, Eric can't help but laugh.
Eric Michaels: Aha, oh dear Derrick, are you inbred or something, cause that's just insane. The amount of grammar mistakes in your promos is ungodly, and quite possibly deserving of a "needs to go back to 3rd grade" award. Honestly, what the fuck does "anpther" mean? Scroll down, you see the "Post Reply" button? OK, you see the "Preview" button next to it? Alrighty, now go over one more and USE A FUCKING SPELL CHECK! Goddamn, for someone who thinks everyone else is so stupid, you know shit all about making your little cameos even the slightest bit presentable. I might as well look up a BZ roleplay.. or God forbid, a K~Dawg roleplay. *laughs*... Seriously, your roleplays are so similar, and dumb, I'm having trouble even shooting on you. It's like I'm facing that dumb bitch from Mania again. -- I won't say I've been doing fabulously, Derrick, because I haven't. But neither have you, because if you were, you would have been booked. Neither of us are at the top of Xplosion yet, and if I have my way, YOU never will be. If it were me in the "bosses" shoes, I wouldn't even ALLOW you in here, because as funny as "fuck" is, there is a time when someone has said it to the point it's COMPLETELY old. I mean, I could stand here going "Fuck the fucking fuckers, cause I'm Eric and I'm the baddest you would met so like pwnt motherfuckers", but after, oh I don't know, a split second of that, I never want to see another F-bomb again. You're boring, repetitive, and starting Sunday, you will be on Download. Why? Because management wants someone who can restore the prestige in the Pure title, Derrick, not someone who will only further it's reputation as a jobber's belt. Hell, I'd be surprised if you can stop nailing your sis long enough to jell up your preppy little wannabe-hawk, let alone take the time to get ready for this match. Derrick, I've hated you since I first laid eyes on you, which is why I REFUSED to lose when we first fought off, and I REFUSE to lose this time. Get ready to have this faggy, lame emo kid beat the SHIT out of you, and enjoy every single, bloody moment of it.
Matt Peterson: Well, Eric, thanks for taking the time to speak with us, and good luck in your match tomorrow at Final Cut.
Eric Michaels: The pleasure was all mine. Take care.
Eric walks away, and the camera follows. Only seconds pass by before his phone goes off, and as he answers it, it's pretty apparent what the other line is saying, being how he puts it on speaker phone..
Eric Michaels: Hello? Dr. Mathews?
Dr. Mathews: High, Eric. Look, you simply can't wrestle, I think you have the Solanum Virus.
Eric Michaels: The what what?
Dr. Mathews: No time to explain, but I need you flown down here ASAP for testing.
Eric laughs..
Eric Michaels: Ahaha, oo chance in hell, Doc. Got the biggest match of my life tomorrow, and I need to train for it like there's no f'n tomorrow.
Dr. Mathews: Eric, wait!--
Eric hangs up, and walks down the hall, this time the cameras don't follow as the scene fades out.
*END*